Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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