ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
