Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
