My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
