youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was confusing and full of hummus
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
