apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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