I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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