Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
