is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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