I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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