dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
