where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
