lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
