I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
