Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
