I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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