How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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