Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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