The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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