I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Enjoy the penises
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
