I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
