omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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