dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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