Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
