i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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