Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
