Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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