I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
