Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
