It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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