Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
