ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
More tranny stories later!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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