i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
honey bunches of taint.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
