put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
