who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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