And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
