My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
