ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
