I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
