so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
