I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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