Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize