Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
