She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize