And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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