How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
