i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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