While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
