I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
