i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize