i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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