I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Randomize
