I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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