You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize