remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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