dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
