i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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