i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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