I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
