do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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