"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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