Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the condom got lost in my hair
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
