Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
