There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
