We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
