I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
