forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
