Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
