You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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