And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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