i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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