The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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