Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
