god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize