I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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