oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sacagawea was the original milf.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
