It's Friday. Sex?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
