I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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