I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
