writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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