Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
