I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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