WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
