There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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