That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
