i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
