Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it was like eating out sand paper
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
