No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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